I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
