3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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