Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
