You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
