cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize