Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize