I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
