we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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