is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
