Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
