I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
