everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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