____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize