There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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