remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize