is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
