his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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