do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This toilet bowl is my home.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
