Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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