And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
