I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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