i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
