just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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