first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
