You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize