Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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