She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
