You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
