i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
