Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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