I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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