he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize