No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
