Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
