So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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