how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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