Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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