Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Randomize
