Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
