my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
