Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
