I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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