Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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