if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Blood and glitter go together right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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