If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
