and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Randomize
