you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
