I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
