why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
