Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
