She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
