Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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