I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The adults are the big ones right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
