omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
