I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
