I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
