I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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