you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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