No awkward lesbian experiences without me
where am i from again
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
