sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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