I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
