all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
