Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
