I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize