So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
