Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
