I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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