connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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