You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize