remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
