I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
