O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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