I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
