If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
