I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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