is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
