I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
