he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
