There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
