cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
