i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
