the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize