K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize