I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i out mim tonsoeep
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