the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
