youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
