i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
