you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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