You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
