just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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