So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
