You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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