How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
