sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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