it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
