Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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